Why Women Lie

Regardless of the fact that nobody enjoys being lied to, it seems that lying within all types of relationships is common and is thereby often forgiven or overlooked. While it’s true that most of us are guilty of a little white lie now and again, relationships that are plagued with frequent lies can easily become hurtful and destructive.

Women often tell horror stories about how they’ve been lied to in past relationships, but the truth is that women are as guilty of lying as men, although perhaps for different reasons. And sometimes their lies are more personal and hurtful. Chris Rock hit the nail on the head when he declared that “men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.” In any case, defining a lie and deciding how it should be dealt with often depends on what the basis for the lie is.

While some lies have obvious causes and can therefore be dealt with in a straightforward way, other lies have much more elusive justifications that can make it difficult to know how to respond.

Although there can sometimes seem to be a legitimate reason for lying, it is nonetheless an unhealthy and damaging habit. For this reason, it’s a good idea to reevaluate any relationship in which there’s been dishonesty. Read on for some of the most common reasons women feel the need to lie to you, and what you should do to get around it.

She wants to spare your feelings

If there’s something about you that she doesn’t like, she may think that it’s preferable to keep you in the dark about it. Although this is a lie spoken with a generous heart, if she never tells you the things that bother her, she might start to resent you, which could spell the end of the relationship.

What you should do: Assess what the intention behind the lie was and how it reflects on her personality. Is she so insecure that she couldn’t come to you with the problem? Or is she just waiting for the right time to blow you off? If the lie is serious and affects the foundation of your relationship, then it’s time to cut the ties. If, however, it’s a minor problem in an otherwise solid structure, face the situation head-on and make it clear that lying is not an option in the future.

She wants to make herself look good

This type of lie is often told because it makes her seem more glamorous or successful. Although this might seem like a harmless attempt to make people like her, it can be a sign of a more devious personality.

What you should do: If she lied to you to try to impress you, you might feel flattered. On the other hand, this is a deliberate and mischievous lie that could denote an underhanded person. Be aware that she might tell lies about you to make you seem more glamorous to outsiders. Also, ask yourself what she might do to get ahead, and whether she’d leave you at the drop of a hat for somebody who is higher on the social ladder.

She’s trying to hide her past

Akin to the previoustype of lie, this one is an attempt to wipe the slate clean, to start fresh with a new man. It could be because she’s ashamed of her past, but it could also be because she wants to forget it. This is often a lie to protect a sexual history that she thinks you’ll judge her for.

What you should do: A lie like this can be dangerous; if she’s lying about whom she’s been with, there’s a reason why, so be sure you know what you’re getting into. If she does come clean about her past , however, make sure that you’re sensitive in your reaction. After all, the fear of a negative reaction is exactly why she lied.

She’s protecting herself

If she’s trying to keep her distance from you, she might be afraid of making herself vulnerable. She probably believes that if you don’t know her dirty secrets and intimate details, it’ll be easier for her to walk away from you without getting hurt. This is a popular defense mechanism, but it can be very hard to relate to a person who’s caged herself off from you.

What you should do: If you think she’s worth the trouble, do your best to make her feel more comfortable so that she can open up. If she doesn’t crack after a while, however, furthering the relationship will be next to impossible and probably not worth your time.

She doesn’t want you to worry

If you’re concerned about that male coworker she’s been spending so much time with, she might lie about the time they spend together. This doesn’t mean that there’s anything going on; she’s just doing what she wants without having you fret about it. Or if you worry about her when she jogs outside at night, she might do it anyway and just no tell you. These are relatively well-meaning lies, but they are still quite damaging. When you finally find out the truth, you’ll likely have trouble trusting her.

What you should do: Explain to her that lies are not the easy way out of tough situations. If she wants to do something and you’re stewing about it, maybe you need to trust her judgment a little more. On the other hand, if she’s just willing to white-lie her way around life, perhaps you should cut and run.

She doesn’t trust you

She may have information she considers sensitive and isn’t sure whether to tell you about it. If you don’t know each other well yet, this could be a legitimate lie to protect others’ interests. As such, it should be seen as a relatively loyal gesture toward those she’s protecting. However, if you’re well into your relationship and she’s still hiding all sorts of information from you, she might have major trust issues.

What you should do: Confront her about her lack of trust. Is it founded on past experiences of you blabbing or is she just being paranoid? Be sure she knows that you think lying is out of bounds and that a lack of trust is not a solid basis for a relationship.

She’s manipulative

Sometimes a liar justifies herself by saying that she only embellished the truth. Some people can win arguments and influence people just by emphasizing the right points -- without really lying. On the other hand, she may lie outright in order to control the way you think or feel. If she tells white lies to win arguments or to twist you around her finger, you should watch out, because manipulation is a powerful tool.

What you should do: Seriously? Run. If you’ve caught her in a manipulative lie, she’s already trying to play you. This can only get worse.

She’s testing you

If she’s unsure of your temperament or intentions, she might try to test the waters. She could tell you a false story about a past relationship to see how you react. She might tell you her best friend thinks you’re cute to see if your eye wanders. This type of testing is meant to catch the bad guys before they get too close.

What you should do: Although it may be a defensive action, it is a sign of trouble ahead, as it is indicative of immature behavior. Telling you lies is not the way to get to know you, and a woman who does this is unlikely to be any more stable once you get closer to her.

She wants to keep the upper hand

She might withhold information to maintain a sense power over you. For instance, if a mutual friend tells her something important, she may keep it from you so that she has the inside scoop. Or she might just keep things from you to keep you at a disadvantage; that way, she can pick and choose what to tell you and when.

What you should do: Unless you have underlying domination fantasies, this is probably a problem you should deal with promptly. She’s found a way to keep you under her thumb, and as long as you allow it, you’ll stay there. Anyone who tries this kind of trick likely has control issues and will continue to dominate you. If this sounds unattractive to you, get out while you can.

liar, liar, pants on fire

What you want to keep in mind about lies is that they are, by definition, dishonest. A woman who is keeping things from you or just making things up has hidden motives. Chances are that anything you try to build with a liar will collapse in the end. If you find out a woman has lied to you, try to get her to ‘fess up, and then you can decide whether it’s something you can get past or if it’s time to throw in the towel.

A Mans 3 Responsibilities in a Relationship

A man has roles to play in a relationship, whether in marriage or in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. He is responsible for these 3 roles that a man should understand in order to handle his relationship with others easily (If the woman agrees.. heh).

1.A man is a King. King means male sovereign, ruler of a kingdom and authority. His kingdom is the relationship he has with his wife/girlfriend and family. He should rule his kingdom, and not his wife or girlfriend. But don’t jump into a conclusion that being the king of a relationship is easy. Like Peter Parker’s Uncle said “with great power comes with great responsibility. -Ben Parker”. As the king of a relationship, he should be man enough to protect his relationship from anything that could break it, like how an armor protects a soldier.

2.A man is a Prophet. Now, you might be wondering what that means. Well, a prophet is a visionary. An authoritative person that divines the future as what Princeton University defined it. As a prophet, he should look forward to his relationship’s future, he has to take care of it, and decide what’s best for his relationship and its future. Have visions, set goals and reach it.

3. A man is a Priest. Yes, as a man this is your responsibility. The man should be the most prayerful in the family. As the Old Testament says, the priests are the ones who are in between man and God. They are the intercessors, and as the man of the family or relationship he should act like one. If he has kids, he should teach his kids the right things. Be a model; this molds the future of the children.

Now, I know women will react on this. But I wasn’t saying women aren’t important. I am just saying that as a woman, you should allow your man to be the king. Don’t take away their manhood.

How Guilt destroys Love and Relationships

When the mind allows guilt to take over, it will tear down relationships, especially if the partner fails to come to terms and agreement with self. To determine if your mind is full of guilt you must ask your self-questions. What did you do so wrong that would offend your partner that cannot be forgiving?

Guilt can break the mind down to the point of no return. Guilt is more than a mistake made; rather it is a violation against rights, humanity, belief, tradition, standards, and love.

When a person fails in a relationship, they may feel a measure of guilt. Thus, confronting the problem now can remove the guilt and make the relationship work. When people confront their problems, it often leads to workable agreements. When procrastination, or else lying to cover the wrong continues the mind consumes itself with emotions based on guilt.

Guilt occurs when conscious actions or thoughts interfere with someone else’s rights, or else against the own person’s beliefs. Mistakes leading to guilt depend on the situation, but for the most part wrongs can lead to right if humanity exists.

If a person commits adultery, thus the problem is solvable if the person acted out of emotion, rather than thought and commits to restoring trust. Of course, actions, effort, behaviors and habits must show the mate that the mistake will never occur again. It depends on the mate but some will forgive, while others may take the insult of the partner letting them know their worth in the relationship to heart and may decide separation and/or divorce is the way out. Adultery is stating to the mate that you have no worth. If the mate decides to forgive, thus you must do your part and allow the guilt to turn into effort to restore trust. You will need consideration, loyalty, compassion, honesty, and may even need to tell your every move for a while during the course of restore. A person with true remorse will work hard, regardless of what he/she needs to do to restore trust.

If a person violates the right of the partner, thus, it depends on the magnitude of violation, but in most instances, it is workable. People act out of emotions and impulses at times, and will often act out of lust occasionally. When the emotions, impulses and desires take control (depending on the length of time control is enforced), the person may do things he or she ordinarily would not do.

Thus, adultery is a justifiable reason to divorce or separate from the spouse, but looking at the entirety of the circumstance can help a person decide. Was the spouse enticed by another individual to commit the act, while the spouse was feeling vulnerable? Still, vulnerability is no excuse on the spouse’s part, but if enticement is the case, then two people wronged you. Was the other person in the act deceived? Did your mate lead the person to believe that he/she was not in a commitment?

Examining the entirety of the act can help the mate determine the direction the relationship is heading, and help the other partner decide what he/she needs to do to make things right again.

Divorce is an attack on the emotions, since a trigger hits the heart and emotions and creates pain, sorrow, hurt, sadness, et cetera. Divorce is showing a disregard for the marriage arrangement unless true reasons for divorce are evident. Thus, divorce should only be considered if the mate commits adultery, abuses the partner, or fails to commit in the relationship arrangement, and/or if death occurs.

If you are in a relationship and your mate committed an insulting act against you, such as adultery. Thus, considering the entirety will help you make a wise decision. If another person enticed your mate on vulnerable grounds, thus consider your partner by asking what were, you thinking at the time. If your mate responds by saying I wasn’t thinking, thus you can ask, what makes me think it won’t happen again? If your mate is sincerely sorry, he/she will let you know by words, action, emotions, thoughts, and tone spoken.

Why Men Cheat

Why do men cheat is a question that is not so easy to answer and before we even start we have to clarify what we really mean by cheating. Cheating to some people is just glancing at a good looking woman as she walks down the street or thinking about that sexy looking number that’s displayed on the calendar or thinking ‘if only I was single ….’.

At what point a women believes her partner is cheating on her is largely dependant on her level of insecurity. A woman who lacks confidence, doesn’t feel good about herself and is full of insecurities might become paranoid at the mere mention of another woman while someone who is full of self-confidence and is comfortable in herself and with her relationship is far less likely to get concerned with straying eyes and a meaningless comment.

Before answering the question ‘why do men cheat’ we need to confirm our understanding as to what is normal behavior for a man. Can we get upset when a man enjoys a little flirtatious behavior or remarks on the good looks of super model if the act or comment bears no substance? An innocent action that in no way impacts the way a man feels about his partner is harmless, it’s how much he is and can be trusted to draw the line that matters.

Cheating has been made easier over the years with couples often leading relatively separate lives with the lone trips to the gym, the night out with the lads / girls and the common reluctance to find activities that can be enjoyed together. Then there’s the children to consider so couples often take separate holidays and work different hours which all add up to lots of time when you can meet someone else. It’s not even intentional but the likelihood that a friendship will start and progress is far greater than if you were in the company of your partner.

Often men see sex as just fulfilling a need, a way to satisfy themselves certain in the belief that if they have no real feelings for the person they are sleeping with then it’s not really cheating. They fail to see the wider implication of what impact it will have on their partner.

One of the main reasons why men cheat is when the intimacy has been lost from their relationship, when they have had enough of ‘not tonight I have a headache’, or ‘I’m too tired’ or ‘no the children might hear’. Men have sexual desires and sexual needs that need to be fulfilled so if the love, romance and intimacy has been lost in your relationship your man will be far more inclined to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

Some men just seem born to cheat and it’s in their very nature to sample what’s on offer. Such men are hard to form a relationship with but it is often apparent from the outset as too what type of relationship a woman is letting herself in for. An old friend of mine just couldn’t resist the handsome hunks on the beach, the ones that really loved themselves and thought they were god’s gift. She knew that they would soon move on and that she was just a passing phase but she just couldn’t help herself, got caught time and time again and every relationship ended in tears because she just wasn’t strong enough to cope.

It is thought that cheating men fail to have any feelings of guilt until after the event and, it has to be said, the longer man get away with it the more likely they are to continue with men having a greater tolerance and liking for risk.

For some men cheating is a way to boost their ego with each additional conquest enhancing their ego and being seen, in certain circles as a real status symbol. The ultimate impact on their relationship is something that never occurs to them at the time, when they are being outwardly encouraged to continue with their infidelities, and by the time they see the error of their ways it is generally too late.

It can never be said that men don’t know that cheating is wrong it’s at what point they consider the wider implications and what emphasis they place on perceived need which is perhaps different.