Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Why Men Cheat

Why do men cheat is a question that is not so easy to answer and before we even start we have to clarify what we really mean by cheating. Cheating to some people is just glancing at a good looking woman as she walks down the street or thinking about that sexy looking number that’s displayed on the calendar or thinking ‘if only I was single ….’.

At what point a women believes her partner is cheating on her is largely dependant on her level of insecurity. A woman who lacks confidence, doesn’t feel good about herself and is full of insecurities might become paranoid at the mere mention of another woman while someone who is full of self-confidence and is comfortable in herself and with her relationship is far less likely to get concerned with straying eyes and a meaningless comment.

Before answering the question ‘why do men cheat’ we need to confirm our understanding as to what is normal behavior for a man. Can we get upset when a man enjoys a little flirtatious behavior or remarks on the good looks of super model if the act or comment bears no substance? An innocent action that in no way impacts the way a man feels about his partner is harmless, it’s how much he is and can be trusted to draw the line that matters.

Cheating has been made easier over the years with couples often leading relatively separate lives with the lone trips to the gym, the night out with the lads / girls and the common reluctance to find activities that can be enjoyed together. Then there’s the children to consider so couples often take separate holidays and work different hours which all add up to lots of time when you can meet someone else. It’s not even intentional but the likelihood that a friendship will start and progress is far greater than if you were in the company of your partner.


Often men see sex as just fulfilling a need, a way to satisfy themselves certain in the belief that if they have no real feelings for the person they are sleeping with then it’s not really cheating. They fail to see the wider implication of what impact it will have on their partner.


One of the main reasons why men cheat is when the intimacy has been lost from their relationship, when they have had enough of ‘not tonight I have a headache’, or ‘I’m too tired’ or ‘no the children might hear’. Men have sexual desires and sexual needs that need to be fulfilled so if the love, romance and intimacy has been lost in your relationship your man will be far more inclined to seek fulfillment elsewhere.


Some men just seem born to cheat and it’s in their very nature to sample what’s on offer. Such men are hard to form a relationship with but it is often apparent from the outset as too what type of relationship a woman is letting herself in for. An old friend of mine just couldn’t resist the handsome hunks on the beach, the ones that really loved themselves and thought they were god’s gift. She knew that they would soon move on and that she was just a passing phase but she just couldn’t help herself, got caught time and time again and every relationship ended in tears because she just wasn’t strong enough to cope.


It is thought that cheating men fail to have any feelings of guilt until after the event and, it has to be said, the longer man get away with it the more likely they are to continue with men having a greater tolerance and liking for risk.


For some men cheating is a way to boost their ego with each additional conquest enhancing their ego and being seen, in certain circles as a real status symbol. The ultimate impact on their relationship is something that never occurs to them at the time, when they are being outwardly encouraged to continue with their infidelities, and by the time they see the error of their ways it is generally too late.


It can never be said that men don’t know that cheating is wrong it’s at what point they consider the wider implications and what emphasis they place on perceived need which is perhaps different.


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