Friday, August 7, 2009

Down in Love and Up in Relationships

Over the course of the years, love has become a thing of the past, since nowadays people join in love while participating in ungodly acts. Love today is based on sex, rather than commitment. Few people are still searching for true love, only after they have slept with countless of people throughout their life, all to find that love never existed.

At what time a person is down on love they often search for relationships, scamming through the list to find that perfect mate. Nowadays, people are joining Love Connections, and other dating systems to find that true love. Few base their idea of true love on the compatible system provided by the services, yet fail to realize that a machine is determining the compatibility level. Thus, at what time the relationship starts the two join in phone conversation and email each other. Sometimes the relationship works, but as the communication continues between the two, one or the other decides this is not for me, especially when another listing comes on the site and the face is much prettier.

Few people join the Chat Rooms searching for love. Some people give up hope when they speak to thousands of people worldwide and never hear what they were waiting to hear. The goal in the chat rooms for the most part is to have sexual communication without meeting the person. Few people have literally met in person all to find them self in a chaotic situation, or else dangerous situation. To give you some insight on love and relationships abroad the Internet, I will narrate a couple of accounts.

One relationship over the Internet started out with coy communication. The couple chatted abroad the Internet for some time, until they reached the point of phone conversations. From here, the two communicated frequently over the phone and Internet lines; until the day came, they decided it was time to meet. The two met, and later married and after one year of the relationship, the woman filed for a divorce. Now the woman had children and was a professional in mental health, yet she failed to see the dangers abroad the Internet. It turned out the man was abusive and neglectful, thus filled her life at the moment of pain and despair.

Another incident of love and relationship over the Internet started when two people began chatting in the Group Chat Rooms. The two decided to talk over the phone and the man lead the woman to believe that he had the best of intentions while searching for love. He narrated the past relationships, briefing her, letting her know that he was hurt from the experiences. The woman wise, stood back, since she knew that stories have two-sides. She talked for months on the phone with the man and later decided to meet with him on her grounds. The two meet, and after one night of communication, relating, and sleep the woman become suspicious when the man began showing controlling behaviors. Thus, the woman sent him packing the next day and blocked him from calling, Aiming or emailing her. The man was blocked of all connections and the woman moved forward with cautious, still waiting for that special someone to love her.

The woman in the last illustration was intelligent to a large degree, since she recognized symptoms the man showed that would lead to abuse. Immediately the woman got rid of a problem that could have escalated to a broken heart and shattered world.

Scores of people abroad the Internet search for love and often the people make mistakes that lead them down on love and up on relationships. In other words, the person will view love as a sexual mechanism and forget its true meaning since hurt controls their mind from the bad relationships of the past. The people will search out the world for relationships searching for sexual gratification.

If you are down on love and up on relationships, then you know that the world is filled with hate, selfishness, inconsideration and the list continues, and rarely is true love available. Therefore, think long and hard before you join in love and relationship.

Controlling Love in Relationships

Why do people stay with mates that control and dominate them, thus taking a large measure of their freedom in relationships? The obvious answer is that the person lacks self-esteem and confidence and may feel that he or she cannot find love elsewhere. Children often link mates together even if one of the partners is controlling and dominating the other.

Are men mostly domineering and controlling? No. women can be domineering and controlling as well, and I have analyzed two case scenarios were the women in the relationship had full control. One case scenario a woman coming from a background of abuse met her soul mate through friends. The two joined and together they had six children combined. The woman who penalized them with threats if they failed to adhere to her demands controlled all the children and mate.

Although the relationship the man was not permitted to look at women at first, nor was, he allowed watching television programs at leisure. Sure, men in relationships, or else good men will not have wondering eyes, or else engage in activities that cause others harm, such as pornographic materials. Still, he had no room to show her that he had only the best intentions for their relationship. Later throughout the relationship, she showed leniency, but still the woman controlled the home.

Some women are passive yet still control in different methods. While the first woman enforced threats to control the home, another woman used mechanisms of human nature to control her relationships. She was a skilled manipulator and controller, whereas she under minded the men she had relationships. The woman was adulterous, manipulator and an outstanding liar if one was not smart to her tricks. Through lies and manipulation, the woman controlled the men she had relationships with, and when the men would not adhere to her demands she would throw temper tantrums, or else become violent.

The woman was a lousy mother, since she showed no regard to her children and used them to control the men she engaged in relationships with. Throughout her history, she had trials of promiscuous behaviors, violent behaviors, and a history of deceit.

While this is a couple of case scenarios of controlling and dominating relationships, men from afar have been in relationships showing controlling and domineering traits far more than women. Not all men are controlling and domineering, but the men that illustrate such behaviors are often violent predatory humans. The men that control or dominate will often use violence, threats, manipulation, lies, and other hasty mechanisms to control the mate. Often these types are unfaithful, and will make up all types of excuses for their unnatural behaviors.

Therefore, when joining in a relationship it is wise to know what you are getting into before you make commitments. Some relationships start out with one partner controlling the other through manipulation and the mate fails to see the signs and realizes what happens when a trail of harm starts and finishes in deeper conditions. Thus, the mate may start out telling the partner what she or he wants to hear to lower the person into the web of control, deceit, and domination. Other times the mate may act as though they are not interested in the mate, especially if the mate is attracted to the person.

Heed warning, since controlling and dominating relationships leave a string of victims throughout the term of the relationship, and sometimes the victim is unable to leave the relationship since the mate may threaten family members, friends, or else the mate. Other times the mate never gets out, since death was the ultimate result of the controlling and dominating relationship.

If a man or woman is controlling you, it is unlikely the person will change. Some people stay in dominating and controlling relationships believing the person will change once the mate shows them love. Other dominating and controlling relationships continue since the partner makes the mate feel like no one else wants them. They often under mind and belittle the partner, until the self-esteem and confidence is zip. If you are in a controlling and dominating relationship, you may want to consider steps of leaving your partner behind.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Why Women Lie

Regardless of the fact that nobody enjoys being lied to, it seems that lying within all types of relationships is common and is thereby often forgiven or overlooked. While it’s true that most of us are guilty of a little white lie now and again, relationships that are plagued with frequent lies can easily become hurtful and destructive.

Women often tell horror stories about how they’ve been lied to in past relationships, but the truth is that women are as guilty of lying as men, although perhaps for different reasons. And sometimes their lies are more personal and hurtful. Chris Rock hit the nail on the head when he declared that “men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.” In any case, defining a lie and deciding how it should be dealt with often depends on what the basis for the lie is.

While some lies have obvious causes and can therefore be dealt with in a straightforward way, other lies have much more elusive justifications that can make it difficult to know how to respond.

Although there can sometimes seem to be a legitimate reason for lying, it is nonetheless an unhealthy and damaging habit. For this reason, it’s a good idea to reevaluate any relationship in which there’s been dishonesty. Read on for some of the most common reasons women feel the need to lie to you, and what you should do to get around it.

She wants to spare your feelings

If there’s something about you that she doesn’t like, she may think that it’s preferable to keep you in the dark about it. Although this is a lie spoken with a generous heart, if she never tells you the things that bother her, she might start to resent you, which could spell the end of the relationship.

What you should do: Assess what the intention behind the lie was and how it reflects on her personality. Is she so insecure that she couldn’t come to you with the problem? Or is she just waiting for the right time to blow you off? If the lie is serious and affects the foundation of your relationship, then it’s time to cut the ties. If, however, it’s a minor problem in an otherwise solid structure, face the situation head-on and make it clear that lying is not an option in the future.

She wants to make herself look good

This type of lie is often told because it makes her seem more glamorous or successful. Although this might seem like a harmless attempt to make people like her, it can be a sign of a more devious personality.

What you should do: If she lied to you to try to impress you, you might feel flattered. On the other hand, this is a deliberate and mischievous lie that could denote an underhanded person. Be aware that she might tell lies about you to make you seem more glamorous to outsiders. Also, ask yourself what she might do to get ahead, and whether she’d leave you at the drop of a hat for somebody who is higher on the social ladder.

She’s trying to hide her past

Akin to the previoustype of lie, this one is an attempt to wipe the slate clean, to start fresh with a new man. It could be because she’s ashamed of her past, but it could also be because she wants to forget it. This is often a lie to protect a sexual history that she thinks you’ll judge her for.

What you should do: A lie like this can be dangerous; if she’s lying about whom she’s been with, there’s a reason why, so be sure you know what you’re getting into. If she does come clean about her past , however, make sure that you’re sensitive in your reaction. After all, the fear of a negative reaction is exactly why she lied.

She’s protecting herself

If she’s trying to keep her distance from you, she might be afraid of making herself vulnerable. She probably believes that if you don’t know her dirty secrets and intimate details, it’ll be easier for her to walk away from you without getting hurt. This is a popular defense mechanism, but it can be very hard to relate to a person who’s caged herself off from you.

What you should do: If you think she’s worth the trouble, do your best to make her feel more comfortable so that she can open up. If she doesn’t crack after a while, however, furthering the relationship will be next to impossible and probably not worth your time.

She doesn’t want you to worry

If you’re concerned about that male coworker she’s been spending so much time with, she might lie about the time they spend together. This doesn’t mean that there’s anything going on; she’s just doing what she wants without having you fret about it. Or if you worry about her when she jogs outside at night, she might do it anyway and just no tell you. These are relatively well-meaning lies, but they are still quite damaging. When you finally find out the truth, you’ll likely have trouble trusting her.

What you should do: Explain to her that lies are not the easy way out of tough situations. If she wants to do something and you’re stewing about it, maybe you need to trust her judgment a little more. On the other hand, if she’s just willing to white-lie her way around life, perhaps you should cut and run.

She doesn’t trust you

She may have information she considers sensitive and isn’t sure whether to tell you about it. If you don’t know each other well yet, this could be a legitimate lie to protect others’ interests. As such, it should be seen as a relatively loyal gesture toward those she’s protecting. However, if you’re well into your relationship and she’s still hiding all sorts of information from you, she might have major trust issues.

What you should do: Confront her about her lack of trust. Is it founded on past experiences of you blabbing or is she just being paranoid? Be sure she knows that you think lying is out of bounds and that a lack of trust is not a solid basis for a relationship.

She’s manipulative

Sometimes a liar justifies herself by saying that she only embellished the truth. Some people can win arguments and influence people just by emphasizing the right points -- without really lying. On the other hand, she may lie outright in order to control the way you think or feel. If she tells white lies to win arguments or to twist you around her finger, you should watch out, because manipulation is a powerful tool.

What you should do: Seriously? Run. If you’ve caught her in a manipulative lie, she’s already trying to play you. This can only get worse.

She’s testing you

If she’s unsure of your temperament or intentions, she might try to test the waters. She could tell you a false story about a past relationship to see how you react. She might tell you her best friend thinks you’re cute to see if your eye wanders. This type of testing is meant to catch the bad guys before they get too close.

What you should do: Although it may be a defensive action, it is a sign of trouble ahead, as it is indicative of immature behavior. Telling you lies is not the way to get to know you, and a woman who does this is unlikely to be any more stable once you get closer to her.

She wants to keep the upper hand

She might withhold information to maintain a sense power over you. For instance, if a mutual friend tells her something important, she may keep it from you so that she has the inside scoop. Or she might just keep things from you to keep you at a disadvantage; that way, she can pick and choose what to tell you and when.

What you should do: Unless you have underlying domination fantasies, this is probably a problem you should deal with promptly. She’s found a way to keep you under her thumb, and as long as you allow it, you’ll stay there. Anyone who tries this kind of trick likely has control issues and will continue to dominate you. If this sounds unattractive to you, get out while you can.

liar, liar, pants on fire

What you want to keep in mind about lies is that they are, by definition, dishonest. A woman who is keeping things from you or just making things up has hidden motives. Chances are that anything you try to build with a liar will collapse in the end. If you find out a woman has lied to you, try to get her to ‘fess up, and then you can decide whether it’s something you can get past or if it’s time to throw in the towel.

Monday, July 27, 2009

A Mans 3 Responsibilities in a Relationship

A man has roles to play in a relationship, whether in marriage or in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. He is responsible for these 3 roles that a man should understand in order to handle his relationship with others easily (If the woman agrees.. heh).

1.A man is a King. King means male sovereign, ruler of a kingdom and authority. His kingdom is the relationship he has with his wife/girlfriend and family. He should rule his kingdom, and not his wife or girlfriend. But don’t jump into a conclusion that being the king of a relationship is easy. Like Peter Parker’s Uncle said “with great power comes with great responsibility. -Ben Parker”. As the king of a relationship, he should be man enough to protect his relationship from anything that could break it, like how an armor protects a soldier.

2.A man is a Prophet. Now, you might be wondering what that means. Well, a prophet is a visionary. An authoritative person that divines the future as what Princeton University defined it. As a prophet, he should look forward to his relationship’s future, he has to take care of it, and decide what’s best for his relationship and its future. Have visions, set goals and reach it.

3. A man is a Priest. Yes, as a man this is your responsibility. The man should be the most prayerful in the family. As the Old Testament says, the priests are the ones who are in between man and God. They are the intercessors, and as the man of the family or relationship he should act like one. If he has kids, he should teach his kids the right things. Be a model; this molds the future of the children.

Now, I know women will react on this. But I wasn’t saying women aren’t important. I am just saying that as a woman, you should allow your man to be the king. Don’t take away their manhood.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How Guilt destroys Love and Relationships

When the mind allows guilt to take over, it will tear down relationships, especially if the partner fails to come to terms and agreement with self. To determine if your mind is full of guilt you must ask your self-questions. What did you do so wrong that would offend your partner that cannot be forgiving?

Guilt can break the mind down to the point of no return. Guilt is more than a mistake made; rather it is a violation against rights, humanity, belief, tradition, standards, and love.

When a person fails in a relationship, they may feel a measure of guilt. Thus, confronting the problem now can remove the guilt and make the relationship work. When people confront their problems, it often leads to workable agreements. When procrastination, or else lying to cover the wrong continues the mind consumes itself with emotions based on guilt.

Guilt occurs when conscious actions or thoughts interfere with someone else’s rights, or else against the own person’s beliefs. Mistakes leading to guilt depend on the situation, but for the most part wrongs can lead to right if humanity exists.

If a person commits adultery, thus the problem is solvable if the person acted out of emotion, rather than thought and commits to restoring trust. Of course, actions, effort, behaviors and habits must show the mate that the mistake will never occur again. It depends on the mate but some will forgive, while others may take the insult of the partner letting them know their worth in the relationship to heart and may decide separation and/or divorce is the way out. Adultery is stating to the mate that you have no worth. If the mate decides to forgive, thus you must do your part and allow the guilt to turn into effort to restore trust. You will need consideration, loyalty, compassion, honesty, and may even need to tell your every move for a while during the course of restore. A person with true remorse will work hard, regardless of what he/she needs to do to restore trust.

If a person violates the right of the partner, thus, it depends on the magnitude of violation, but in most instances, it is workable. People act out of emotions and impulses at times, and will often act out of lust occasionally. When the emotions, impulses and desires take control (depending on the length of time control is enforced), the person may do things he or she ordinarily would not do.

Thus, adultery is a justifiable reason to divorce or separate from the spouse, but looking at the entirety of the circumstance can help a person decide. Was the spouse enticed by another individual to commit the act, while the spouse was feeling vulnerable? Still, vulnerability is no excuse on the spouse’s part, but if enticement is the case, then two people wronged you. Was the other person in the act deceived? Did your mate lead the person to believe that he/she was not in a commitment?

Examining the entirety of the act can help the mate determine the direction the relationship is heading, and help the other partner decide what he/she needs to do to make things right again.

Divorce is an attack on the emotions, since a trigger hits the heart and emotions and creates pain, sorrow, hurt, sadness, et cetera. Divorce is showing a disregard for the marriage arrangement unless true reasons for divorce are evident. Thus, divorce should only be considered if the mate commits adultery, abuses the partner, or fails to commit in the relationship arrangement, and/or if death occurs.

If you are in a relationship and your mate committed an insulting act against you, such as adultery. Thus, considering the entirety will help you make a wise decision. If another person enticed your mate on vulnerable grounds, thus consider your partner by asking what were, you thinking at the time. If your mate responds by saying I wasn’t thinking, thus you can ask, what makes me think it won’t happen again? If your mate is sincerely sorry, he/she will let you know by words, action, emotions, thoughts, and tone spoken.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Commitment in Love and Relationships

Be capable of committing one self is required, since love and relationship is built on commitment. Commitment is a promise. Commitment requires the ability to uphold promises made to another individual. The wedding vows at one time committed two in matrimony, thus committing them to love one another through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, and until death ended their love.


When a person commits to another, they are targeting the person’s mentality and emotions when failure occurs, since commitment is a consignment to a disciplinary or mental institution. Thus, joining in marriage or relationships outside of marriage, or even in friendship, commitment is the element that initiates the arrangement.


Once the person’s fall together whether words are crossed, the parties are saying by their actions, “I commit myself to you.” Although friendships differ than marriages or intimate relationships, still a level of commitment exists. Marriages have obvious commitments; however, failures occur when one or the other fails to adhere to their promise to love until death does them apart. Often, disrespect of one or the other, lack of trust and communication will breakdown a relationship, or commitment.

Looking at examples could help you to see failure in different types of relationships and help you to appreciate the elements required to make a relationship work. One example of a surefire failing relationship is visual in the following illustration.


Two join in a relationship. The woman had a disturbing past, consisting of abuse, neglect and degradation. The man has a disturbing background; however, the severity of the woman’s past far succeeds the man. The two share emptiness inside when they meet, with one considering lust and desire while the other is considering love. The woman is beautiful in physical form, thus the man desires her and they join in intimacy. The woman is seeking love, however she finds the man unattractive, yet handy since she feels he can help her escape a nasty relationship in existence. Thus, together they join and later marry since a child is born. The woman disrespects the man since he is obviously an alcoholic, but she fails to see that he also sells and administers drugs. The woman is naïve to drug addicts and seller, thus she continues seeing the man on occasions until the baby is born and finally the two take of residence together.


Finally, marriage is required since the two join a religious group that enforces marriage rather than relationships outside of marriage. The woman thinks, “I will marry this monster,” as she rushes out of her workplace to join her mate in marriage. She stops at the liquor store to pick up a bottle of Vodka and rushes home to dress. The two are marrying at the Justice of Peace, and when she arrives, her mind is in a whirl. The night of their marriage the man is too drunk to join her in their honeymoon, thus she becomes angry and storms out of the room. For the next six months, she ponders on annulment, seeking out advice from her friends. The marriage continues. The woman comes to terms that she will do her up most to make the relationship work. Over time, she develops a natural love for her husband and works effortless to please him and make the relationship last with him abandoning the family and drinking every day. Over time, the woman finds that he is selling drugs, administering drugs and soliciting prostitution. She decides she had enough and applies for a divorce, even when doubt lingers in her mind.


The two finally divorce after the man abuses her for applying for a divorce and over time, the two never see each other again. Now, the man loved her. He loved the way she looked, how she performed in the bedroom and how her behaviors worked to make their marriage stand for more than three years. The woman illustrated patience and long-suffering, however commitment was lacking. Therefore, we see a lack of communication, commitment, long-suffering, respect, thrust, loyalty, faithfulness, and so on, thus the relationship was a surefire failure.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I’m married but I’m not happy. I just got divorced and I don’t want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, it’s necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure it’s going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.

My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start?

First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You can’t be “in” relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.

Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just don’t have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Don’t you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because it’s just too much work to change it?

Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a “marriage” or “committed relationship” that IT will take care of itself.

One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?

It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Let’s say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you’re physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don’t trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable.

WRONG!!!!!

Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following:

1. Desire to be in relationship
2. Self – esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person.
3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt.
4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs.
5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person.
6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person.

I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Is He Just A Friend Or He Loves You?

This is a common situation. You know many men. Some of them are friends. Out of them one wants to be more than a friend with you. But he does not know how to tell you that? Are there any signs that will tell you that he is interested in you? Let us try to find out.

Friends always talk to each other freely. They laugh, make fun of each other and occasionally speak with each other in not a very civil way. If that man is interested in you, he will do none of this. Forget talking freely, he will find it difficult to speak to you. You will sometimes catch him looking at you intently, but as soon as you turn towards him, he will turn away. He would never make it obvious that he was watching you. If any time some body makes fun of you, you will find everybody joining the fun, but not this man. He would rather look at the fun maker with anger. If any time you knock yourself against any object, others may ignore that, but not your hero. He will surely come and ask you if he can help.

Being in love and being a friend are two different things. Friendship is devoid of romantic love. There is no place for passion in friendship. Friends share everything without any need of protection. Friends are not bothered if they show their wilder side to other friends. Rather they love that. Friends don't talk with each other in hushed tone and never feel shy of each other. Friends don't care about what they wear amongst friends. Friends are more like a group of like - minded people who enjoy each other's togetherness and behave more like siblings.

Romantic love stands at the other extreme. You will never catch a lover wearing something that can be commented upon negatively. A romantic lover does everything with a single objective - please his/her beloved. You will not find a romantic lover speaking the way friends do. Romantic lovers are not very open with each other and feel shy of each other’s presence. The flies in the stomach of a romantic lover when he/she looks at the beloved make all the difference. Now you know what signs to look for in a friend and find out if he thinks of you as a friend or his object of love.

How To Win Back Your Ex Easily

I can't even begin to describe the emotional pain and turmoil that is felt from a breakup, and if you are dealing with it then I certainly feel for you as I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on even my worst enemy. Many people will be quick to tell you that it will get better, or that time heals all wounds, but if you are anything like me that is the last thing that you want to hear. Coping with a breakup is a difficult thing, but if you are not happy with the situation that you are in now, and you want to win back your ex, here are some suggestions that can help you get on the road to recovery.

One of the biggest mistakes that is made by many is to try too hard to get back into the relationship. If they have terminated the bond because of something that you did, or if you just simply grew apart then you need to get a level head and do some evaluating. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left side write everything that you know about the person as they were when you first met them as far as their likes and dislikes and anything that you can write about their personality. Try to be totally honest, and not look at them through rose colored glasses. Now on the right side make the same list, but do it from the perspective of when you broke up. What kind of a person were they then? Now do the same thing for you on another sheet of paper. Do you notice any differences?

Those differences could just hold the key to win back your ex. Just make those changes in your life, and make sure that they are able to see the changes. Strive to be everything that they would want you to be. Of course you would not want to flaunt those changes, go about them naturally and they will notice the difference. Then as you are able, try to talk to your ex and be a good listener, try to grow the relationship again without letting them know that you are doing so and let the relationship blossom again naturally.

Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all probably never lost the love of their life.

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot different than what drives a man to cheat however; it’s really not very different. Most extramarital affairs happen because of unmet needs in the relationship.

When your girlfriend or wife is unhappy in your relationship, you’d better watch out because women tend to have affairs when they feel disconnected from the marital relationship.

If you would just take a moment to look and listen, there are warning signs that are staring you right in the face. Below are the five most common signs that your wife or girlfriend might be having an affair, or at least is in danger of having one. 

The capability of tracking a cell phone user becomes important in emergency situations, like a car accident, thru the use of 911 emergency phone call, where every minute may be a matter of life or death. In situation like this, the GPS system may pinpoint the exact location of the road accident, enabling emergency services to be quickly dispatched.

It is important to mention that so far most GPS system in cell phone (telefone celular) is restricted to tracking information only. However, one can have navigational capability thru the use of full screen cell phone/PDA combos with map displays and other cellular phone accessories, and third party paid services. 

If one does not want to sign up for a monthly paid subscription service, he can make use of one-time-paid-only software programs that will enable some of the navigational capabilities. 

Although there are many benefits in using GPS cell phones (telefone celular), there are some people who are concerned about the violation of personal privacy. Since the US Congress has not authorized location tracking without actual evidence of wrongdoing, there have been court hearings which have not approved the requests of government agencies in obtaining the cell phone GPS tracking information for suspects or ordinary citizens. 
She doesn’t mind you spending a lot of your free time with you friends, watching TV, or playing on the computer (or any other thing that you do a lot of).

There are some women who don’t mind this to start with but this becomes a problem when at some point in the past your wife did mind these things. The fact that she no longer has a problem with them could mean that she feels you are not invested in the relationship.

She doesn’t ask you to go out with her the way she used to.

Most women need an emotional connection in order to feel desire. If she feels she does not have that connection with you she will start to pull away sexually. As she develops an emotional connection with another male what is left of her emotional connection to you will start to wane further.

There are ups and downs in every marriage. Try to remember that one of these signs by itself does not signify that an affair is taking place. If you only see a couple of signs you should count yourself lucky and work to improve that area of your marriage. However; when you see multiple signs then you need to heed their warning. If an affair is not taking place it soon will be. Take the steps necessary to protect your most important asset, your marriage. 
Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering.

Unhappy Marriage: Should You Stay or Leave?

There’s no one simple answer to the question that I’m often asked, “Should I stay in my marriage, even though I’m unhappy, or should I leave?” It’s impossible to give a “one size fits all” response because every marriage is different.


But there are some general guidelines that you can consider if you’re in this situation. Use these thirteen tips to reflect on your marriage, your energy level, your commitment, and the degree of your dissatisfaction.

1. Don’t give up prematurely. You have invested time, energy, money, hopes and dreams in your marriage. The only way many people can initiate divorce without feeling unduly guilty is to know that they have tried everything they possibly could to make the marriage better. It just makes good sense to focus on how you can improve the relationship you’re in now.


2. Consider your children and how a divorce could impact them. Divorce is never easy. Preschool children and kids who are still in school will be affected in ways grown children are not, such as possible changes in schools if a parent moves, a parent possibly having to work two jobs to make it financially, the loss of daily contact with both parents, etc.

3. If your spouse has an addiction or is abusive, utilize all resources and support groups that offer help. For example, If your spouse is an alcoholic, join Al-Anon, which provides support for family members, and get your teenage children involved in Alateen so they can get the support they need to deal with the home situation. Of course, a top priority is keeping your children safe, so do not keep them in any situation that is dangerous for them.

4. Focus on how you can change yourself to be a better partner instead of how you want to “fix” your spouse. When you work on improving yourself and changing non-productive habits and approaches, then your spouse will have to relate to you differently. You may have gotten in a habitual mode of pushing each other’s buttons in the same way and always eliciting the same response. But if you change your normal response, then the interaction between the two of you will change.


5. Have on-going support from a counselor who knows your issues and what you are going through. This will give you the help and encouragement you need to keep trying new things and experimenting with new approaches.

6. Encourage your spouse to consider marriage counseling. If finances are a problem, call your local Chamber of Commerce or the mayor’s office and ask which agencies in your community offer sliding scale fees based on income. Also, some churches offer counseling services, and some ministers provide counseling. Don’t automatically assume that you can’t afford counseling.

7. Examine whether or not you are depending too much on your spouse to meet your needs or “make you happy.” No one else can make you happy; it’s an inside job. And no one person can meet all the needs of another. That’s why you need friends, hobbies, and outside activities. Expand your world and see if this takes some of the pressure off of your marriage.

8. Keep a gratitude journal each day, listing all of the things you are thankful for in your life. Each day, try to find five or six new things to list that you haven’t written down before. During the day, notice what happens that’s a blessing: the friendly sales clerk who efficiently handles your refund with a smile, the parking space that suddenly opens up just when you need it, or an unexpected compliment from a co-worker.

9. Make a list of your spouse’s positive qualities and contributions to your marriage, including things he or she has done that you appreciate. Read over this list every morning and every evening, anchoring these good points in your mind. At some point, share your list with your spouse.

10. Make a consistent effort to be positive and encouraging. Sandwich any criticism or request for a change in behavior between two compliments. For example, “You’re always so responsible about mowing the yard each weekend. Could you also sweep the grass clippings off the sidewalk? Thanks for all you do to help keep the yard looking so good.”

11. Work on keeping your heart open in love to your spouse. It’s easy to close down emotionally when you’re angry or hurt. Visualize beams of love or golden light radiating out from your heart to your spouse’s heart. You can dislike the behavior but still love the person. When you send the energy of judgment and criticism to another, the response will be very different than when you send the energy of unconditional love.

12. Try writing your thoughts, feelings, and requests in a letter to your spouse. There are many spouses who have responded positively to a letter who have been notorious for tuning out the spouse’s verbal pleas for years. It’s a different medium of communication, and it often commands more attention.

13. When you have given your marriage your best efforts for at least a year and nothing has changed, then ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question, “Are you better off with him (or her) or without him?” Life is too short to stay stuck in a miserable marriage for years if you are the only one who wants your relationship to be different. Even at this point, though, sometimes the shock of having a spouse initiate a legal separation makes the other partner finally realize the seriousness of the situation and agree to work on the marriage.

Why Men Cheat

Why do men cheat is a question that is not so easy to answer and before we even start we have to clarify what we really mean by cheating. Cheating to some people is just glancing at a good looking woman as she walks down the street or thinking about that sexy looking number that’s displayed on the calendar or thinking ‘if only I was single ….’.

At what point a women believes her partner is cheating on her is largely dependant on her level of insecurity. A woman who lacks confidence, doesn’t feel good about herself and is full of insecurities might become paranoid at the mere mention of another woman while someone who is full of self-confidence and is comfortable in herself and with her relationship is far less likely to get concerned with straying eyes and a meaningless comment.

Before answering the question ‘why do men cheat’ we need to confirm our understanding as to what is normal behavior for a man. Can we get upset when a man enjoys a little flirtatious behavior or remarks on the good looks of super model if the act or comment bears no substance? An innocent action that in no way impacts the way a man feels about his partner is harmless, it’s how much he is and can be trusted to draw the line that matters.

Cheating has been made easier over the years with couples often leading relatively separate lives with the lone trips to the gym, the night out with the lads / girls and the common reluctance to find activities that can be enjoyed together. Then there’s the children to consider so couples often take separate holidays and work different hours which all add up to lots of time when you can meet someone else. It’s not even intentional but the likelihood that a friendship will start and progress is far greater than if you were in the company of your partner.


Often men see sex as just fulfilling a need, a way to satisfy themselves certain in the belief that if they have no real feelings for the person they are sleeping with then it’s not really cheating. They fail to see the wider implication of what impact it will have on their partner.


One of the main reasons why men cheat is when the intimacy has been lost from their relationship, when they have had enough of ‘not tonight I have a headache’, or ‘I’m too tired’ or ‘no the children might hear’. Men have sexual desires and sexual needs that need to be fulfilled so if the love, romance and intimacy has been lost in your relationship your man will be far more inclined to seek fulfillment elsewhere.


Some men just seem born to cheat and it’s in their very nature to sample what’s on offer. Such men are hard to form a relationship with but it is often apparent from the outset as too what type of relationship a woman is letting herself in for. An old friend of mine just couldn’t resist the handsome hunks on the beach, the ones that really loved themselves and thought they were god’s gift. She knew that they would soon move on and that she was just a passing phase but she just couldn’t help herself, got caught time and time again and every relationship ended in tears because she just wasn’t strong enough to cope.


It is thought that cheating men fail to have any feelings of guilt until after the event and, it has to be said, the longer man get away with it the more likely they are to continue with men having a greater tolerance and liking for risk.


For some men cheating is a way to boost their ego with each additional conquest enhancing their ego and being seen, in certain circles as a real status symbol. The ultimate impact on their relationship is something that never occurs to them at the time, when they are being outwardly encouraged to continue with their infidelities, and by the time they see the error of their ways it is generally too late.


It can never be said that men don’t know that cheating is wrong it’s at what point they consider the wider implications and what emphasis they place on perceived need which is perhaps different.


How to Tell if a Single Woman is Interested in You

I would like to share some information to single men on how to tell if a single woman is not interested in you. These are signs to look for:

  • Conversations will be awkward and forced. After all, you are the only one trying to keep it going.
  • Conversations and the tone in her voice will be neutral. Not necessarily negative, but they will be absent of that up-beat positive mood that an interested girl gives.
  • The important thing to remember is that most single girls don't want to hurt your feelings. So, if they aren't interested, they will be just neutral in their tone and expect you to pick up the fact that there is an absence of a "come on" in their manner. Many men will assume that since a girl hasn't come out and said "drop dead," then maybe she is interested

Don't forget, if you aren't sure whether or not a girl is interested in you, then she probably is not. When a girl is interested, she will let you know.